After You Mess Up – How To Get Your Ex Sweetheart To Trust You Again

It’ s easy to have a moment of weakness and do something to hurt the man you love. You feel terrible and wish you could modify what you did, but it will be too late and your boyfriend may have lost trust in you. The only thing you can do is wish that you can make him understand that you didn’ t do it to harm him. He might not take you in his arms and forgive you right now, but with patience and taking the right steps, you can get your ex boyfriend in order to trust you again.

First of all, it is necessary to be honest. Lying about what happened will simply make it worse when your ex finds out the truth and he may decide that he can never trust you again. You can’ t try to make it seem unimportant because to your ex boyfriend it is crucial. Get it all out in the open no matter how much it hurts him. It is better to obtain it all over now than getting details you withheld come back to bother you later.

Don’ t make excuses or blame someone else for your actions. Try to stay calm and no crying or begging. If you are going to get your ex-boyfriend to trust you again he’s to also respect you. Making a clean confession and owning up to your mistake can go a long way towards making the man you love want to be along with you again. You may feel that you are under constant surveillance, but you must be accessible to him at all times.

This is especially true if the error you made was cheating. It provides to be clear that you are no longer viewing the other man because if you slide again, you can kiss your relationship and ex boyfriend goodbye for good. Often let him know where you will be and that your cell phone will always be available to him. This might sound like being in prison, but you produced the mistake and if you want your ex boyfriend to trust you again, you need to pay the penalty.

The other big error that can ruin your boyfriend’ s i9000 trust is lying. A small fib can be easily forgiven, but if you have lied to him about your past life it can make him question whatever you tell him. He could ask you to display proof if something you tell him sounds a little strange. You will have to swallow your pride and understand why he mistrusts you. After all how would you feel if the situation was turned?

Of course the best policy is to be honest in every of your dealings, but you are only human being and subject to temptation. You never believe you will be caught, but when you are the price of regaining trust can be high. Nevertheless , if you love him and really want your ex boyfriend to trust you again, swallow your pride and do your punishment.

8 Responses to “After You Mess Up – How To Get Your Ex Sweetheart To Trust You Again”

  • Taylor G:

    I had not initiated contact with my ex-husband in 5 months and I messed it up last night.
    He has maintained contact with me however even after I told him that he didn’t have to and that he shouldn’t because it makes me think there is hope when there isn’t. After that some weeks went by and he again contacts me, this time to say basically he is still heartbroken. I told him if he wanted to talk we could. He didn’t respond. Last night I contact him and tell him simply I miss him. He responds with “is that right” and “he misses me at times”. I told apologized for contacting him and tell him I won’t again, and then he says that he’s just bitter and wants to see me but he is afraid to, because of how he might feel inside. So I just told him good night.
    I feel terrible today, like the separation just happened. I think that I should never initiate any sort of contact and that when he contacts me I should just ignore it. On the other hand I don’t believe that there is just no hope left… I’m just tired of missing him. Also I will be leaving the state in a month with no intent on returning. I no longer think I should tell him that either. Thoughts, opinions?
    He left because I lied to him.
    I should not have lied, I never thought this would occur but it did.

  • Roflcopter:

    2 months into our relationship, my boyfriend (who Is the older brother of much loved friend who is deceased) broke up with me stating, “I can’t tell if it’s better with you or her..” ‘her’ being his childhood sweat heart who he dated in high school, and then they lived together for 5 years. I know her, as we ALL went to high school together. I should have known, there was a picture framed on his was wall…and she was in it…with his little brother. It was a rush of confusing emotions, the recognition of that picture, I choked on every time I walked by… I was saying, he dumped me. 5 short days later he was back in contact and wanting to see me. I wanted to play it out, but I had news for him too….I was pregnant. I told him, he said we would take care of it. Two tortuously awkward weeks later I informed him I wasn’t going to be able to take care of anything, unless that meant going through with it. He called me lying whore…..illegitimate child bearing liar….all of those sweet things, and then dropped me like a shitty diaper in the trash. I tried to update him, but he never seemed to care enough to say anything back. I eventually ended up moving and getting a new phone. I was raising my son without even a thought of him, he was dead to me and my son would take my name. 6 months later, he found me through my family’s business and began emailing me. It felt so electric to be near him, I let him stay with me, pretty much permanently right off the bat…it was perfectly new, but pure. Then a few weeks after our son was born, I caught him on his MySpace with an ex I was unaware of, talking about sexual topics….reminiscing, even. At the first accusation he declared it was friendship….I laid it all out for him. We fought, we moved on. Come to find out, he had slept with six girls in the six moths he was avoiding me while i was pregnant and slandering my name. Then I found a pair of his high school sweethearts sweats hanging in my closet. Ugh, then, when I was putting tax document in a safe as he instructed me to…at least a hundred pictures of her fall all over out of an overstuffed envelope….last but not least we ran into her at a Halloween party. More like he froze stiff by the thought of her penetrating his thick head and was a complete jackass to me, as I stood, embarrassed with shame next to him…..he swears its nothing. I am a stay at home mom, and I know she doesn’t come around, and I pretty much know everything he does….but I find her laying all over the place…the final note was seeing her on Halloween. I am smart, young, pretty, and confident, and I am aware that I don’t actually need him to survive. But my son needs him, and so do I….I am not capable of raising my son how I want to (at home) without my boyfriend here, supporting us financially. Ugh.. :-( everything seems o.k. Most times, but to know that he was calling her and telling her he loved her while I was getting knocked up. I hate living in the past, but I just can’t find happiness in this relationship knowing how little it meant to him all along. I don’t owe him this fifth or sixth chance, I can’t live in question like this!….I don’t trust his motives for coming back and I hate who I am becoming from all of these feelings of abandonment, and being sub-par. it is such a mess, and now I have finally got the whole story across, please be objective. -Thank you for he help, blue in bannock county

  • Austin:

    i am 23 weeks pregnant now and broke up with the father of my child a month ago. i am finding it really hard to move on i cant sleep, eat or concentrate i am constantly in tears as i am so depressed that i want to take an overdose again. i suffer from boarderline personality disorder which makes dealing with emotions slightly harder.

    i want to love the bundle of joy inside me but all i feel for this child is hate i know it is a terrible thing to say after god blessed me with a child. but i cant help it and feel guilty that i hate something so innocent in this world. i hate the fact that i want to terminate the pregnancy and the fact the doctors wont do it due to the child being the size it is and the health risks and mental emotions that would affect me if i did.

    the unborn babys dad was violent towards me and i have a court date coming up due to the attack where is tried to kill the baby but we made up and everything was normal untill i found out he stole £2,000 from me which wasnt even my money.

    im just so lost and loney i dont know what to do i know the feelings i have for him wont die out quickly but i just want to know how can i deal with this pain i am feeling because being a recovery alcoholic makes it harder as all i wanna do is drink but cant due to the baby. social services and my friends all say i am better without him and i dunno why i want him back so much but no one understand me or cares for what i need in life. like the baby needs a mummy and daddy not just one.

    since the break up he has been adding girls on fb messaging them and writing things on fb like single who wants to mingle and it hurts me a lot but i cant help stalking his profile.

    when would i be able to stop behaving like this and accept the fact that its over or still have hope he would come running back to me soon and we can be a family or am i just being pathetic. please advice needed or some sense knocked into me

    thanks for your time

  • Thomas A:

    Me and my boyfriend have been together for 5 months now. I’m 16 and so is he. We started as friends when his ex cheated on him and I was always there for advice as was he for me. We became closer and closer and since then grown a great relationship. It’s easy to look at someone 16 years of age and say that they’re not in love but honestly I know how I feel about him and I’m. Not trying to hear anyone tell me if I love him or not. I just need advice. A few days ago he begged me for my Facebook password and I finally gave it to him he ended up seeing a really bad message flirting and talking dirty to someone else for a while on and off now. When he told me he saw it he started crying and I felt like I couldn’t breathe. I truly do not know why I did this. I swear I didn’t get bored of him he is suc a sweetheart and he really doesn’t deserve this. I’m so hurt and now no matter what I say he says he wants to be with me but he can’t and he wants to leave but slmethings holding him back and I’m begging for space to give him to think but he says he doesn’t wanna stop talking to me but now anything anybody says to him he believes them over me because he has no trust. It hurts really bad. I fucked up big time I’ll admit it all and he can call me whatever names he wants to but I’m not trying to hear anyone say I’m a bitc and that he should leave me. Ive hurt myself because of this and I feel like part of me is missing right now. I REALLY DON’T KNOW WHY I DID THIS. IS HE TOO NICE? He doesn’t deserve it and Ive tried everything I wanna make it right. How do I get his trust I need help. but I’m begging you not to call me names if you care at all about a 16 year old girls feelings and body. I don’t wanna hurt myself but I feel like it the only I can get even. I’m laying in my bed and he is eating right now an he texted me saying “no it doesn’t matter anymore it justdoesnt even matter anymore” and I feel like I have no1 to turn to I’m really hurt that he is and guilt is taking over

  • kerrin marz:

    Before reading and jumping straight to its common sense i need any reader to really imagine being the one in my situation. I will try to cover any detail so you can understand. I am a 22 year old female and i am becoming numb to any emotions because the events in life i have experienced to most of you, you may think that because i am only 22 it can’t be many experiences. That is not the case. I am not going to give you a run down of my life just the bits leading me to my situation.

    At 18 years old just about 19 me and my high school sweetheart needed money and i was having a hard time finding a job i could hold due to mental and physical conditions and he was to into video games to find a job so he brought up the fact his sister used to be an escort and suggested it to me. Not knowing even what an escort was i asked his sister and she kind of gave me the rundown explaining handjobs at the least would have to be involve and he said it was ok as long as i was not going to do anything else with the customers.
    I applied and got hired. about 2 months into the job i had gotten myself into some uncomfortable situations because i stopped doing anything unlawful due to paranoia. and i had spun off of the road but the money had already sucked me in so i hired a driver. after about a month of hiring one in particular driver my love for my ex faided as quick as my lust for my driver picked up. The vibes were strong and i could no longer handle it i broke up with my ex because the lack of spark and started messing with my driver.
    The intent for both of us was a short live fling because neither of us wanted a relationship just to be dating. We ended up moving in together about a week into dating BIG mistake. as the months passed i stop being attracted to other men because it felt wrong sleeping with multiple men if i wanted to do that i wouldve utilize it as an escort with all the huge offers i had. He would bring up relationships and possibly having a life together but he wasnt ready due to a break up 3 months before i met him.
    a year into it i started having feelings for him but he still wasnt over his ex even though she made it clear she was done. We had a lot of good times but it was mainly stressful with the arguing and the fact he was still seeing girls. but there was nothing i could do because we made it clear in the beginning it was open dating. i wanted a relationship and he didnt. but it was to late i had already fallen in love with him.
    Id like to believe im stupid for holding on. I explained to him that it was worse than being cheated on because there was nothing i could say or do about it. I cant really explain our relationship to well by typing. We had a lot of on and offs everytime one of us had enough somehow we reunite and not always by talking it out one of the times i went to a friends house because he cancelled a date and he was living there we were both happy. that was the last fallout and it was about 6 to 8 months back. Our relationship has gotten better after i snappe because i was sick of the games and i had enough but this time he dint want me to go. We move out to cali and i stopped escorting and started dancing its a lot safer and the guys know its strictly dance only. that also improved our sex drive and relationship.
    About 4 months ago he finally started announcing me as his girl it was everything i waited for. Life has been almost perfect these past couple of months its been so long since we last argued and he gained most of my trust.
    A week or so ago he left his phone in the truck when i ran to blockbuster to get some movies and my curiosity rose and he was talking to his ex gf and some other girl. I shrugged it off but it made me wonder. and again tonight he left his phone out in the front room so again i messed up and read in his phone. He was having a very intersting conversation with one of the girls back home and were talking about talking dirty and im not getting into detail things texts were swapped that mae my blood pressure shoot up. It really hurt.
    What hurts the most is that i have fulfilled any wish hes had and helped him out of major situations and showed him the better side to life. I am pissed of and and fed up with the games but i dont know how to approach the situation in a calm and collected matter. I want it to be addressed before he ends up hurting me i want him to know im not sticking around if thats what he chooses. I suck with verbal communication.
    I have tried the play sweet thats my personality and thats what he says he like about e because even though he can be a jerk im still sweet to him. I o everything i can to make him happy and i know he is thats why i ont unerstand why he needs other girls. im fed up with the relationship if thats how its going to be.

  • Ramblin Spirit:

    How do I get him back?
    What do I say?
    Here is the situation:
    He and I were high school sweethearts and were engaged to be married after I graduated (hes two years older than I am) A month after I graduated he told me he had joined the military. He didn’t talk with me about it previously, and he did it for us. We went our separate ways very messily i might add. I jumped into another relationship, married the guy a month later. He and I reconciled and tried being friends, and he was already friends with my husband. He left for basic. Three months later I found out I was pregnant. My husband sent me to the town he was stationed to start over new as a family, instead of joining me, I was served divorce papers. My ex fiance and I realized the flame never went out. I had to leave to go back for my daughter. We tried a long distance relationship that did not work well (his day to day was the same thing every day, and he did not ‘have much to say’ but we both still loved each other as much if not more than we did before we split up and mind you we still do) We decided to go our separate ways and just stay friends again. He would ‘fall hard’ for a girl propose to them then the girl would leave him less than 3 months into the relationship. The guys I tried with ended up leaving me because either they could tell i still loved him or because, simply, they were a$$h0le$. We decided to try again, but he was afraid of getting hurt again (both from me and from how he got hurt from the other girls) and so was i. He was afraid to share it with me and a messy situation came up from bad decisions he made. He started cutting off communication with me and became ‘engaged’ (promise to try to date when he leaves the military and comes home) to this girl, who his parents LOVE. They hardly ever talk, and she has her own life, he has his, I have mine. He and I stayed friends, Time passed, we matured, they grew (very) distant but he and I still talk regularly and when we do miss a period of time, the next time we talk it’s as if a day hasn’t passed by. It feels natural and right. After several years, we still feel as strongly as we did back in high school. I want to try again with no hesitation (people make mistakes in life and learn from them, respectively we’ve grown because of our mistakes in life and have become better people because of it, I feel looking back I wouldn’t have been good enough for him now, and the way he was wouldn’t be good for me now.) He wants to try again but all the built up pain over time is stopping him, he told me it’s hard for him to let go of the things that happened in the past. He also told me he still loves me as much if not more than he did in high school, but we could never get that back. I told him I don’t want that back, I want to start something new with him, because by now i’ve realized if I want to spend the rest of my life with anyone it would be him. He wants to try again but just cannot let go of the past. I’d do anything to have him in my life as my significant other again. What can I do?
    I’ve googled how to get your ex back but they’re all about immediately following a break up, and after dating no where near as long as he and i have had a relationship.
    I don’t mind if I use reverse psychology, like all those websites say. I won’t keep it a secret for all my life, and I know its for the best for both of us, and my daughter mind you (they get along great)

    Thank you for taking your time to hear me rambling on. I appreciate your help

  • The Dark Knight:

    I recently found out my boyfriend cheated on me when he went off to college. I’m still in high school, so i kind of had a gut feeling this might happen.. but it still hurts. We broke up and now i find myself with a broken heart…again. Do you guys have any good ways to help get over someone? thanks so much.

  • Matthew:

    I’m probably a 34A. I have a very slim and tall figure. I’m 17 years old, almost 18.
    I am 5’8, and i weigh around 120-125 pounds.
    i am NEVER going to get breast implants. My mom is also kinda flat, but she was a B cup when she was my age. My butt isn’t big either, so i have no curves. Guys like to comment on it too, and it just makes me feel like i’m nothing without curves. but then again they comment on every girl like that.
    My ex-boyfriend said “if you didn’t have that face you would have nothing.” So it basically meant my body wasn’t attractive. My current boyfriend is a bit nicer but once, he stretched out his chest and said that his boobs were bigger than mine. I actually think he does, he has a very muscular chest. He was like “jokes i’m just messing arounddd”, but it still hurt me a lot :( . When we make out and he tries to feel up my boobs, i stop him cause there’s nothing to feel up anyways lol.
    It has come to the point where i am staring at all my friends’ breasts. My best friend’s breasts are really huge and i can’t stop being jealous lol. Even if she has alot of stomach and thigh fat. I would rather have that than be a skinny flat stick.
    What can i do to make them a bit bigger? anything? if there isn’t is there anything to make me feel better? It’s killing my self esteem. =(

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